As we learned in part one, we are exploring three types of procrastination as they relate to the nervous system. Let's start with freeze!
For review, this group's nervous system has a heavy brake system. Think of it like a car that is smoking out. No matter how much thought or energy one puts into it, it continues to smoke out while going nowhere. It takes an incredible effort to go a few feet. In many ways, this group is likely stuck in the cycle of "why do I feel so exhausted? I didn't even do anything today." As much as we like to think we can "will our way" into achievement (thanks capitalist culture!), we are literally fighting evolution and biology. We don't tell people who are insulin dependent that they should just "will their body to produce more insulin," so why are we so behind in understanding this response?
This response is a finely tuned protective response that is focused on helping you to survive. Can it also cause problems when it is easily triggered in non-relevant environments? Absolutely. Let's start off by congratulating you for being a survival king/queen/quing!
Common signs that this is a dominant pattern for you: you are often late to work or school; bills or important paperwork are completed late; health appointments and check ups are avoided; you miss or cancel social events; you miss family get togethers; low self esteem; you may feel depressed or be prone to depressive episodes; you find yourself ruminating or needing to distract yourself from ruminating (i.e. netflix or social media); you may feel sluggish or slowed down (physically and mentally); etc.
Let's start by looking at why this pattern evolved:
The freeze response is rooted in the protection that stillness and conservation provides. Evolution wise, this protects us in a few ways. First, it allows us to slow down and assess for danger. Was that sound a bear? Do I need to stay still or play dead? Is that smokey smell a fire or just burnt popcorn? This response shuts down different parts of our brains and helps us to stop in our tracks to assess our information for more information. Second, this response puts us in a state of preservation. If I play dead, I am more likely to survive this or limit the damage that is happening. Hibernation and preserving energy stores due to chronic stress is also a consideration (in the wild, of course).
For those of you who relate to group one, you may find yourself stuck in bed or on the couch, waiting to get going. You might also find your mind assessing all the things you need to do, didn't do, or ruminating on past pains. Again, this goes back to the freeze response being rooted in stillness and assessment. When you notice something is off, your mind may naturally try to figure out what is wrong by assessing and ruminating. In the example of burnt popcorn, most will re-mobilize and continue on with what you are doing after assessing things as safe. For those who get stuck ruminating and have a strong freeze pattern, you may identify a huge list of everything that is wrong while in search for the discomfort. This means that it is possible that you continue to look for what is wrong rather than re-mobilize (like in the case of the popcorn). Re-mobilizing is very difficult once energy stores have been used (in ruminating or in overwhelm). This is why this pattern keeps people stuck. If we can't move the "locating danger" into "moving away from danger," the cycle will continue to search for the source of alert.
But, I know that my homework isn't going to kill me. Yes, this is true. We may logically understand that the homework isn't a bear. This response is reinforced by repeated freeze responses that did protect you at one point. Maybe being still protected you from a critical parent. Maybe not finishing homework led to horrible consequences. ***trigger warning. Skip to next paragraph if needed*** In the most extreme example of abuse, crying or fighting a caregiver likely had dire consequences. Learning to be still or quiet or unnoticeable is an incredibly protective response. If this is you, I want to commend you for your bravery and for being on your healing path. I know this isn't an easy path to choose.
When we experience freeze as a dominant pattern, especially in childhood, it begins to generalize to lower levels of stress. This means that smaller things will trigger this response. This can be anything from a curt email from a boss, a stern look, or even time. With time, it is common that watching the time pass by continues to exacerbate the stress response until one is completely immobilized on the couch.
This response will look different in each person, as the environments that shape us are complex. This individual may feel overwhelmed in loud environments, may struggle to think clearly, they may struggle with interruptions or responding to interruptions, may find demands on energy/time overwhelming (i.e. doing the dishes), etc. Again, what may seem like a simple task of "hey, can you do the dishes" may be very complicated and need more time for the person to mobilize enough energy to do this. I can go on and on with examples. The point is that what began as a real threat to your safety is now an engrained response to lower demands.
The Nervous System cannot differentiate between the evolutionary stress we discussed earlier and modern stress. Because of this, it prioritizes survival over anything else. Including your homework!
Since we now know what our nervous system is doing, how do we get out of this pattern? No one answer is going to work for everyone. Rather, I would advocate for consistency. If it took years for your nervous system to organize this pattern, it will take repetition to reorganize. This is where the idea of "little wins" comes into play. Try a few from the list below and see what feels best for you. Also, keep in mind that you may have some fight pattern as well. See this blog for more information and exercises for working with this as it may be more relevant. Also, keep in mind, that many find it easy to switch from freeze to fight or flight (where you suddenly have energy and get a lot done in a short amount of time).
Below are different types of "Freeze" that we can get stuck in, and how to work through it. Keep in mind that it is important to practice all of these skills when in your normal state. This makes it easier to do them when over-activated or triggered:
Signs you are stuck in social freeze: struggles to start a task, may cancel plans last minute, missed assignments or deadlines, missed social or family events, mind goes blank around other people, can't seem to formulate your thoughts, dissociating when around others, etc.
Tips for working with social freeze: set an alarm for five minutes and engage in the assignment or task for this amount of time. Keep it simple and make it easy. As tempting as it is to keep going, it is more valuable to do shorter spurts at first. The reason for this is that if you go beyond the five minutes, you may end up dreading starting later on (knowing there is potential for longer). Again, repetition and consistency is what is most important here. Shorter and more frequent blocks are more effective, long term, than longer single blocks. Mel Robbins has a great technique where she counts herself down to starting a task. See her video here. If you find yourself struggling with brain fog, focusing on your senses can be helpful. If you find yourself floating away or distracted, find your dominant sense and see what you notice. An easy trick is to notice five things you see, four things you hear, three things you feel, two things you smell, and one thing you taste (or any combination of these if one of those senses are offline). Notice how all of these methods involve counting or numbers. This is because this logical task helps keep the area of the brain that shuts down when dissociating online.
Signs you are stuck in physiological freeze: low breathing rate or holding your breath, low heart rate, feeling cold, memory issues, chronic fear/anxiety, panic, feeling exhausted or needing naps throughout the day, etc.
Tips for working with physiological freeze:
-To Speed Up: If your heart rate is low, you can try getting up and moving. I like to recommend jumping jacks (20). It is hard to focus on the overwhelm when you are expending your energy this way. This can get you up and moving, which helps you get out of the cycle of getting stuck on your couch or in bed when overwhelmed. Active stretching or going for a walk can also be helpful in moving through this energy.
-To Slow Down: find your breath. Practicing breathing in to the count of 4 and out to the count of 6. This will help to slow your heart down. When panicking, you can also dip your face into a bowl of ice water to trigger the diver's response. This will slow everything down for you. I like to have a cold bag of peas or pre-frozen washcloths with lavender on standby in my freezer for this. 30 seconds should do the trick! Another suggestion is to actually get up and "shake it off." This means that you shake your whole body (or each limb, one at a time) for a couple of minutes. See DBT TIPP worksheets pages 6-7 here.
Signs you are stuck in emotional freeze: feelings of powerlessness or loss of control, brain fog, dissociation, numbing, self blame and self directed anger, etc. This dissociation is different from social dissociation in that this is happening in non-social situations -- typically when feeling overwhelmed, emotionally. This response may be a "high emotion" response in the beginning. However, it quickly moves towards the dissociation or numbing. Think of this as an emotional shut down. We will go into regulating big emotions that stay high in another post. For now, let's focus on moving through the freeze response.
Tips for working with emotional freeze: try your best to engage your senses. Similar to social freeze, notice what you are seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling, and tasting. Use this time to practice engaging the different senses. See the DBT "Self Soothing" worksheet page 9 here. Remind yourself as you try these exercises that you are choosing to practice these skills (to combat the powerlessness). Focus on reminding yourself that you are intentionally taking this time to take care of yourself and will attend to other matters at another time. Once you feel more grounded, you can try a few tips from the physiological group above if moving feels like a natural next step. If not, know that it is okay to rest and take care of yourself!
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If you find yourself struggling with these patterns, know that you are not alone. When it gets to a point that it is disrupting your life, I highly recommend connecting with a therapist or healer that is informed in nervous system regulation. This can be a somatic experience practitioner, polyvagal informed therapist, yoga therapist, to name a few. Keep in mind that the suggestions in this post are just a few of many. This post is intended to inform and provide some thoughts on working through these patterns. However, it is not meant to take the place of professional help.
We will continue to explore the fight and flight responses in future posts. Stay tuned!
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