I recently read a quote by Mark Twain that reads "History doesn't repeat itself, but it often rhymes." This got me thinking about different patterns in our life that continue to play out, even when we are doing everything in our power to change them. Then, I found myself procrastinating in flushing out a new post on how trauma can play out in a cyclical manner in our lives. This reminded me of how vicious the cycle of procrastination, self blame, and becoming trapped in a perpetuating pattern of waiting until the last minute can be. Naturally, it made more sense to start a series of blog posts and videos about procrastination and how to work with it (sounds like group three below, eh? However, I will reframe this to "making the most of my energy by channeling it into a more effective way!" ((See what I did there?)).
"In a culture that values 'doing' while also asserting the idea of 'willing ourselves' to success, many of us are left behind wondering why it is so hard for us."
Have you ever experienced a moment when your mind told you "I should do X," but your body would not allow you to? Have you ever waited for the last minute to complete a homework assignment or important work project? We may "know" intellectually that there is a better or less stressful way of completing work, but we can't seem to get started. It is easy to get stuck blaming ourselves for this. It is not a coincidence that this pattern repeats (or rhymes) -- sometimes even on a daily basis -- for those who relate to this. In a culture that values "doing" while also asserting the idea of "willing ourselves" to success, many of us are left behind wondering why it is so hard for us. The majority of courses/tips online focus on teaching structure, organization, and time management to be more effective. Any chronic procrastinator knows how helpfully unhelpful this tactic can be. In fact, I am wondering how many of you reading this right now have spent a significant amount of time researching or purchasing organizing tools (sticky notes, planners, multi-color pen sets, etc.), making complex schedule systems, color coordinating your calendar or task list, etc.? I would argue that organizing can also be a form of procrastination for some (those of you who know, know!).
The second popular viewpoint on procrastination stems from the idea of "subconscious programming." This is the idea that we have limiting beliefs that interfere with our lives. Focusing on a neurological/brain perspective helps to rewrite the narrative that motivation and procrastination are choices. It is, however, limited to the idea that if we uncover these beliefs, the motivation piece will naturally unlock. And, where does this leave those who cannot identify or change these beliefs on their own?
"When we simplify this issue into "organization" or "changing subconscious beliefs" we put the blame on the individual when this strategy fails."
This is not to say that learning to structure your time or to explore ineffective core beliefs is not important. Rather, this is just one piece of the puzzle. When we simplify this issue into "organization" or "changing subconscious beliefs," we put the blame on the individual when this strategy fails, which it often does. This is especially true for those who have experienced trauma and/or chronic stress. It is human nature to look for reasons why bad things happen or why we fail at things. Unfortunately, when we don't understand something, the default easily falls to blaming the person who needs our support the most. We see this time and time again with mental health.
For those who relate to this, you understand just how debilitating this can be. Procrastination feels and looks different to everyone. While the following list is not exhaustive, I have noticed three common patterns that clients are experiencing. The first group finds themselves avoiding work and assignments to the point of being late, losing a job or getting a poor grade, or quitting hobbies/passions that were once meaningful. These individuals often complain about feeling stuck and not knowing why they struggle to get things done. The second group, similarly, finds themselves waiting until the last minute to complete things. Then, in the 11th hour, it is like they are hit with a sudden surge of inspiration and are able to crank out their project with minutes to spare. This strategy proves to be successful time and time again, despite the stress it causes. Because of this, this group is unlikely to get support. It isn't until the pressures become too intense (or they start to slip into group 1's pattern) that this group reaches out. The third group finds themselves distracting themselves with all the "other things" that need or don't need to be done. This group is likely to reach the end of the day and wonder "why am I so tired? How is it that I was able to get so much, and yet nothing, done today?" You may identify with one or all three of these patterns.
"The more a pattern repeats, the more likely it is to become hard wired into our system. While this is effective in protecting us during childhood--when we have little control over our environment--it can later cause problems that interfere with our lives as adults."
For the purpose of this post, I am going to focus on these patterns from the perspective of Nervous System Regulation and Somatic Experiencing. Somatic Experience Therapy is a style of therapy that works towards building more resilience in the nervous system. This is just a fancy way of saying that it helps clients to be able to tolerate a wider range of experiences by strengthening the nervous system to be less sensitive to triggers. Each one of the procrastination groups aligns with the fight/flight/freeze/fawn system that we hear so much about.
Let's start with a few nervous system basics. We, as human beings, are designed to be as efficient as possible. We don't think about digestion, or willing our heart to beat, or breathing. These are all natural functions that happen without our conscious effort. Our nervous system is similar in that it is designed to learn to respond to the environment. It learns which responses are protective and continues to play them out. This goes to the famous neuroscience ,motto of "what fires together wires together." The more a pattern repeats, the more likely it is to become hard wired into our system. While this is effective in protecting us during childhood--when we have little control over our environment--it can later cause problems that interfere with our lives as adults. I want to emphasize that these patterns are protective and helped us to survive. Learning to understand this and build new pathways is important in healing the areas that keep us stuck. More on this in another post!
Before we start, I want to note that none of these groups are better than the other. In fact, most people experience all three of these. Depending on what is happening in your life, one pattern may be more present at any given moment. Many bounce between patterns, but tend to identify more strongly with either a single category or combo of 1 & 2 or 2 & 3. This is because group one has a predominant freeze response. Group 2 has both sympathetic charge (fight and flight) but also freeze. Group three is all sympathetic charge.
Below are very brief descriptions of each type. We will take a deep dive into each pattern in separate blog posts!
Let's start with Group 1: Freeze
This group is comparable to the freeze response. Think of this as a heavy brake system. No matter how much you want to get the car moving, the brake system is so efficient and engaged that the car just smokes out while going nowhere. It takes immense energy to think about moving. It takes immense energy to get up -- to the point that this person may be likely to sit back down after getting up and starting a task (i.e. getting up to clean the kitchen, but ending up sitting back down on the couch after a few minutes). This system is so focused on conserving energy, that it propels you to slow down in many settings -- or require a significant effort to do things.
Common signs that this is a dominant pattern for you: you are often late to work or school; bills or important paperwork are completed late; health appointments and check ups are avoided; you miss or cancel social events; you miss family get togethers; low self esteem; you may feel depressed or be prone to depressive episodes; you find yourself ruminating or needing to distract yourself from ruminating (i.e. netflix or social media); you may feel sluggish or slowed down (physically and mentally); etc. Click here for more information.
Group 2: Fight
Group two is similar to group one in that avoidance (freeze) is high. The difference, however, is that once the pressure to engage reaches a certain point, a motor (sympathetic nervous system charge) takes over and you have the ability to get a lot done in a short period of time. Think of this as the car that is smoking out its tires, but as soon as the green light hits, it roars to the races!
Common signs that this is a dominant pattern for you: tasks are started close to when they are due; low self esteem in between procrastination and productivity; feeling confident and competent when getting things done; you make more social or family engagements than you miss; you may be consistently late, but it is predictable (i.e. work starts at 8:30am, and you clock in daily at 8:36am); anxiety prone; may be prone to ruminating; racing thoughts; unpredictable energy levels (may struggle with sleep at times, or need naps to recharge); etc.
Group 3: Flight
This group is a little different from the first two in that the brake system is not over-active. Rather, there is very little to no brake. Think of this as the car that is weaving in and out of traffic and consistently taking detours along the way. This engine does not need help to get started, and often does not take a break until it is forced to.
Common signs that this is a dominant pattern for you: bouncing from idea to idea or task to task; you may interrupt one task to start another; this group tends to over schedule themselves; fluctuations in making deadlines and missing deadlines; prone to anxiety and racing thoughts; feeling exhausted or burnt out; multiple projects either just started or half way through (few finished); difficulties with focus and attention; you may also be experiencing more issues with sleep than the other two; startle response may be higher than average; etc.
Now that we know the patterns, what's next? We will take a deep dive into each response in a separate post that describes why we have this pattern, how to manage/work through it, and fun hacks to use this nervous system awareness to our advantage!
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